RedRobin Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 A couple of months ago I woke up with a sty on my eye. It wasn't too bad and got less swollen after a week. But then it came back!! I tried applying cold used tea-bags, bars of gold, but all to no avail. It then suddenly got worse and so I decided to visit the doctor. I got an appointment that afternoon at the local medical centre - A spanking brand new building with an entrance hall the size of a professional tennis court and tiny consulting rooms down endless corridors and the whole place with too much central heating, guaranteed to give you a cold when you left when you didn't have one on arrival. I very rarely visit a doctor anyway but my usual registered doctor either wasn't available or saw me coming and went out the back door. I have been known to confront doctors in The High Court, but that's another story. I knocked on the doctor's door and a female voice told me to come in. The stand-in doctor smiled and greeted me with eyes which suddenly popped out and dilated to about twice normal size!!!! . My sty wasn't that big! and my flies weren't undone and I quickly realised it was just her natural state, or at least that's as far as I wanted my imagination to take me. She had a quick look and then thwacked on a pair of tight rubber gloves and I wondered what she had in mind. After an inspection she said she was prescribing some antibiotics. Because I only take any medicines as a last resort (I am full of mistrust of the medical world) I asked if there were likely to be any side effects, particularly regarding driving and she immediately flashed me a and answered none whatsoever. It took longer to get the prescription than to see the doctor. So I took home a box of something obscure called Augmentin and proceeded to swallow one white pill three times a day for a week. After a couple of days, my swelling went down and redness began to disappear. But....my bollox started itching but I didn't think it was related. I wasn't going through an especially 'man-ish' phase of not washing very often or not changing my underwear, nor had I been wearing ultra tight trousers. I mean why else would you expect to have itchy bollox!? It was getting to the point where I wondered if I should revisit that doctor but I didn't find her attractive enough to want to flirt with her - Lots of is a bit putting off anyway! In flattening the box ready for recycling I found a leaflet inside. Under "Information On Possible Side Effects" the smallprint read:- "A few people find this medicine gives them diarrhoea" - No problem there "Some people get a rash.....If you start to itch or get a rash, stop taking Augmentin and tell your doctor at once" - Hmm...Surely not on the bollox? "Some people may get thrush - a yeast infection of the vagina" - Ah, no problem there then, I don't have one of those!! But then I realised that as my itchy bollox stopped within 24 hours of finishing the prescribed course, so it was very likely to be related. They should have written "itchiness of the genital area". The bit I liked best was: "if you notice crystals in the urine (usually only visible under a microscope)" - Of course I always examine my urine under a microscope after having a p!ss! And also: "if you notice your urine becoming darker or your faeces (otherwise known as poo) becoming paler" - Is "poo" the politically correct word nowadays? When my grandfather was in hospital late in his life he kept telling us how he fancied one of the nurses. We learnt later that one morning he got his cock stuck in the urine bottle!! I wonder what runs in the family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 Thanks for enlightening me with your tale of itchy bollocks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 I reckon that doctor cast a spell on you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 When i first started reading it, about the sty, i though you were going to say that you had poked your cock into your eye... it's a problem i have all the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted April 28, 2008 Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 I was thinking there may be some direct contamination. Doesn't every man rub his eyes and then scratch his bollocks in the morning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRobin Posted April 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2008 I was thinking there may be some direct contamination.Doesn't every man rub his eyes and then scratch his bollocks in the morning? .... That's doubtless how I got it!! I wish I'd have mentioned that to the doctor just to see how big a she could give me! Actually it works both ways - Scratch bollocks and then rub eyes = Sty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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