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BMW 320d won't start


Mollox
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Am I being really stupid here?

I've done 6 miles in this loaner since Wednesday, just gone to start it - pressed the button and it does 1/10 of a turn, lights flicker then nothing. Dash starts clicking, random (ABS and other things I can't recognise come up) lights come on.

Battery isn't flat as locking works, lights are on etc but it doesn't seem that strong either.

Really bored now.

Guess I can call BMW assist to start a loaner?

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Only foot on clutch (its a manual).

Don't tell me it needs a foot on the brake - I have assist on the way! Haha

There's a known software fault- try flashing the car lights, and keep your hand firmly on the horn for 5 minutes. It does a soft factory reset of the emu / circuit chip and it fixes 99% of non starters +++

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There's a known software fault- try flashing the car lights, and keep your hand firmly on the horn for 5 minutes. It does a soft factory reset of the emu / circuit chip and it fixes 99% of non starters +++

:roflmao: (Berk!)

Was a semi-flat battery. Was hoping they'd cart it away but its still here and working again :ffs:

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1) You don't drive yours

2) You have no dealer to take it to

If either of these were TRUE your car would live at the dealers :grin:

1. Not true. Was out yesterday in the filthy weather.

2. Don't need one. I can repair it/upgrade stuff myself. I don't think diagnostic computers had even been thought of when my engine was first conceived.

So there :P

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Continuing the theme of You Simply Couldn't Make This Up, a full bells and whistles flatbed, all flashy lights and fancy tilting, turned up at 10:30.

Seeing as I've had 3 different recovery drivers on 3 consecutive nights, I couldn't blame him so hung around and offered a hand. Being so familiar with the car, I suggested he simply jump start it, drive it onto the flatbed, job done.

"I'll just winch it on"

'Really, you're going to winch it 90 deg out of a parking space in a tight car park when you could just drive it on? Isn't it easier to jump start it?

"I don't have any jump leads"

You're a recovery man sent to retrieve a car with a flat battery and you don't have any jump leads? The last two guys from your company did...

"I'm a flatbed, I just pick them up"

"Genius."

*Cue 10 mins of me helping him trying to push start the car in the space of 2 car lengths without crashing into several of my neighbours' cars. And failing*

Listen, I *may* have some jump leads upstairs. Let me have a look, it'll save you so much time

"Ummm......errr.....I don't know how to use them. We have 2 batteries and er....umm?"

WTF! You're a recovery driver.....

So I left him to winch it. How much more annoying or sillier is this going to get?

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  • 1 month later...

Ahaha - yes, actually it was working the next day. Having dismissed it from my sight in a flurry of fury, I had to go and pick up a new courtesy car the next day.

Choice was: the same 320d but with a new battery or Mini Cooper D (auto).

It was a hard choice but I ended up driving up North in the auto mini :ffs:

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