Ari Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Was having a hilarious discussion the other day with some friends about names for obscure sexual acts. So far we've come up with: Double Bass'ing - When the gentleman stands behind his lady simultaniously playing with her lady garden and funbags, in the manner of a double bass player playing their instrument. Tromboning - The (possibly homosexual?) act of rimming a gentleman whilst masturbating him. Chimping (from Viz this one) - The (frankly unlikely but I wouldn't put it past the Germans) act of obtaining sexual gratification from flinging ones faeces at ones partner. Airtight Skiing - Where a lady has intercourse with one gentleman whilst being buggered by another and fellating a third, and also manually pleasuring two more. There must be plenty more though, anyone know any good ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pincher Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Daisy Chain Reacharound (Allegedly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shark_90 Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 The "Zombie" - to ejaculate on a lady's face so much that you can't tell if her eyes are open or closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shark_90 Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Where's chri5? He'll know some Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted April 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 [ QUOTE ] The "Zombie" - to ejaculate on a lady's face so much that you can't tell if her eyes are open or closed. [/ QUOTE ] Also know as the "painters radio" I believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm Chris Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Not a subject where words are required, actions speak louder than words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 [ QUOTE ] actions speak louder than words [/ QUOTE ] As do groans... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisel Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Felching. (Onomatopoeia?) The consumption of the results of successful rear entrance abuse Yuk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisel Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Just found this in my archives: The Profanisaurus * Armbreaker: Particularly energetic fiddle. * Arse Spider: Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it. * Audition the finger puppets: A single-act, one man show not suitable for children. * Autograph the gusset: To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants. * Bacon strips: External female genitalia. * Barnes Wallace: The type of turd that sends a splash of water onto your undercarriage after release from the bomb bay. * Beaded curtain: A luxuriant crop of clagnuts. * Beef box: A container into which sausages are put. * Benny Hill: Rhyming slang, female contraceptive. * Biffer: A particularly hairy minge. * Bilge tanks: "Double gut" effect caused by too tight a belt. * The blind dirt snake: A malodorous, legless lizard inhabiting cak canyon which migrates south every morning. * Brown Daisy: Unpleasantly scented flower which attracts flies rather than bees. * Budgies tongue: Descriptive, the female erective bit!! * Bum Goblin: A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece! * Burma: Acronym, "Be upstairs ready my angel" See POLO. * POLO: Acronym "Panties off, legs open!" * B.V.H: Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one eyed skinhead. * Chugnuts: Extremely large piles. * Cider Visor: Beer goggles for the younger drinker. * Clapping fish: Female genitalia. * Cliterature: One handed reading material. * Cockoholic: One who is addicted to cockahol. * Conkers deep: To be in a state of deep penetration. * Cough your filthy yoghurt: Romantic expression for ejaculation. * Crunchie: A sock worn the morning after being used as a fiddle-mop. * Dingleberry roast: Lighted farts. * Disco fanny: The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers. * Ditch Pig: Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl. * Dizzy Gillespie: A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrog's. * Double basing: To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different. * Drop fudge: Pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a poo! * Drown some kittens: To drown a litter of small stools. * Eating sushi off a barber shop floor: Cunnulingus. * Face fannies: Sideburns. * Feeding the pony: One handed feeding of a lady's toothless gibbon. * Fertle, ferkyfoodle: To feed a lady's pony through her dung hampers. * Five pinter: A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints. * Fizzy gravy: Rusty water, diahorrea. * FLAME: Abbr, *Fanny like a mouses ear* * Flat as a kippers dick*: Descriptive of unleavened baps. * Free the tadpoles: To liberate the residents of ones fiddle tanks. * ****shit****shitsuckshit: The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed. * Fud Slush: Scottish fanny batter usually smeared on the face when eating a haddock pastie. * Funbagtastic: Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts. * Fuse-wire: A ginger persons gorilla salad. * Gladys: Rhyming slang, To defecate, from Gladys Knight. * Geetle: The little pointed bit that hangs outside your rusty sheriffs badge after you've had a Gladys. * Granny's oysters: Elderly female genitalia. * Greyhound: Very short skirt, only an inch from the *hare*. * Hairy Scallops: Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season. * Hand-to-gland combat: Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a Spam javelin. * Hefty-clefty: Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina. * Kojaks moneybox: The German helmet. * Lord of the pies: Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker. * Mexican lipstick: Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out. * Men in the rigging: Small tagnuts found in the hairs of sailors arses. * Ming the merciless: Death by chocolate starfish. * Monkey bath: A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go *Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!Aa!. * Mumrar: The act of creeping up on your mother and shouting *Rar!* * NORWICH: Acronym, *Knickers off ready when I come home* * Opera house: A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains. * Pie-Liner: A Femidom. * PIK: Acronym, Pig In Knickers. * Pumpers Lump: The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive fiddling. * Quim Chin, Muff mouth: A bearded fellow. * Release the chocolate hostage: To liberate Richard the third. * Ripped out fireplace: A much swept out skin chimney. * Roy Castle's last blow: A pathetic whimpering fart. * Rubik's: Rhyming slang, gorilla salad. * Splinge: A particularly lubricated Kipper Mitten. * Starfish Trooper: An Arsestronaut*.. * Tit Pants: A Bra. * Tongue Punchbag, Small man in a boat: See Budgie's Tongue. * Two Bagger: Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours in case theirs falls off. * Up on the blocks: Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet. * UTBNB: Advisory abbr, Up the bum, No babies! * Walnut Whip: A minor operation that removes the cream but leaves the nuts intact. * Wet as an otters pocket: Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten. * Wuffle nuts: The fruits of the dingleberry tree. * X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dadstoys Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Brilliant ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D1MAC Posted April 21, 2007 Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 The Profanisaurus is truly great!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drpellypo Posted April 22, 2007 Report Share Posted April 22, 2007 'twas the staple diet of our office for quite some time. Spleening - that was just wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisel Posted April 22, 2007 Report Share Posted April 22, 2007 What is spleening? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pingpongpo Posted April 25, 2007 Report Share Posted April 25, 2007 What, no 'Riflemans' position? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted April 26, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 Go on..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woppum Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Strawberry Cheesecake" When one spunks on a woman's face - then promptly brakes her nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 Secret Lemonade Drinker - one who isn't yet out of the closet. Cabin Doors to Manual - the realisation of the urgent need for a really big sh*t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 [ QUOTE ] Cabin Doors to Manual - the realisation of the urgent need for a really big sh*t. [/ QUOTE ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon magnifique Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 That was actually submitted to the Profanisaurus by a mate of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m4ttm4son Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 Rodeo position: Similar to doggie, but you shout an ex-girlfreind's name and see how long you can hold on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ari Posted April 26, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 [ QUOTE ] Cabin Doors to Manual - the realisation of the urgent need for a really big sh*t. [/ QUOTE ] And that would be a term for a sexual act for you would it..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopsta Posted April 26, 2007 Report Share Posted April 26, 2007 Kicking the back doors in, will let you work that one out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulboy Posted April 27, 2007 Report Share Posted April 27, 2007 'Feeding the pony' - playing with a ladies woo-wah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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